we're blogging at a bar
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
