dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
