You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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