Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
