I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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