Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
