please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize