U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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