If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize