When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
