sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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