the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
