masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
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i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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