i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
