Please, let me fuck your mom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
