So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
