Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
