She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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