you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
