this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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