Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
