He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There r osticjed everywhere
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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