the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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