I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
