We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
