You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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