it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
