she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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