Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
