I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
