I love black thongs
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
