Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
