when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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