Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
