Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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