like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
