The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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