I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
