I want to stick my p in your. b.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf