Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes