Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(831): View more from California

You should get sea herpes

(831): View more from California

I mean sea horses

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(513): View more from Ohio

I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash

(1-513): View more from Ohio

GO. BACK. NOW.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.

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(631): View more from New York

Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.

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(720): View more from Colorado

No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.

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