dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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