I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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