I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
