he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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