your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
