good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
