Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
