we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
