man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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