if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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