The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
