it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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