Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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