just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
