I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
